Tra’s Story
Nothing, other than Tra's boundless love for her children, can explain her fortitude while living in adversity for many years.
Our project team and the local Women's Union paid a visit to Tra on an intensely hot day in the Yen Bai hilly area, just as the area had a rotating power outage. We remembered that even without any lights, the house was still full of light from the holes produced by the shredded rain cover tarp.
Tra's house was located halfway up the hill, separate from the other residences. The path to the house was winding and narrow, with just enough room for a motorcycle wheel and luxuriant grass on both sides, making passage incredibly difficult. When Tra’s epilepsy flared up on windy days, she could only pray that someone was at home to assist her as traveling to the doctor was exceedingly demanding on her. Despite her poor health condition, Tra remained determined to face life head-on. Every day, she worked hard as a hired farmer to ensure that her salary was sufficient to support her family’s living expenses. On days when she earned enough, her family would be at peace. When it wasn't enough, the hot-tempered, alcoholic husband would make excuses and quarrel with her about everything. At such moments, Tra convinced herself that she needed to be a good example for her children to respect their father no matter how badly he treated her.
We couldn't help but be intrigued after hearing her sharing so we asked Tra what had motivated her to always be resilient in life, and Tra proudly shared her pride in her two children. Tra's eldest son was a diligent and talented student who was studying high school in Hanoi. He was awarded a state scholarship and actively contributes to his family by sending a small portion of his monthly scholarship to help his mother make ends meet. Tra was also supported and cared for by the second son at home. Although he was a young boy, he was aware of his mother's chronic illness and frequently assisted her with housework. Those two children brought Tra strength, hope, and motivation for all her sacrifices. No matter how difficult things were, Tra's problems seemed to vanish as long as her kids were healthy.
Knowing about the project "Reducing gender-based violence and supporting vulnerable women and girls in ethnic minority areas in the North of Vietnam" through the introduction of the Women's Union, Tra, and her husband signed up to participate in the program and did not miss any events. The nonviolent communication skills she learnt via life skills training and peer group activities have greatly improved her marriage, according to Tra. Her husband gradually came to understand his wife's struggles and actively practiced managing negative emotions and violent behavior. And Tra actively discussed the knowledge she had learned in class with her husband, practicing communication skills by expressing appreciation every time her husband helped her and advising him to cut back on drinking for his own health whenever she had the chance. Tra believed that these small encouragements will lay the groundwork for a significant improvement in the husband-wife relationship.
"Thanks to your encouragement and knowledge sharing, I broadened my understanding, came home knowing how to tell my husband to try to do business, and our family has been more peaceful since then. Thank you very much”.
With a loan package of VND 10,000,000 from the project, Tra invested in cinnamon seeds and fertilizers. She hoped that in the coming years, she would be able to harvest items to supplement her family's income.
The project's impacts are not only directed at those affected by gender-based violence but also at perpetrators of violence, as improved interaction and empathy between the two parties will result in healthier dynamics. Tra's story is representative of many other Vietnamese women who are always willing to make sacrifices for their children. They are resilient to all of life's trials and are always yearning for change. Hagar hopes that by reading this story, the reader will be inspired by love and determination to overcome hardship. Tra's story also reminds us that we all have the inner strength to break free from abusive relationships, paving the way for a more prosperous future and rewriting our own life stories.
This project has received support from the Australian Government under the Australian NGO Cooperation Program (ANCP).
