The dreamer’s Story
What follows is a story from one of our clients from Vietnam. Read along as they share about how Hagar has impacted their life.
Dear friends,
I was born and raised in the highlands area, in a farming family. Our 9x generation like me grew up playing and studying by ourselves as our parents were busy working in the fields. I also have a habit of not sharing my feelings or thoughts with my family; it's as if I put those thoughts in my inner box and lock it away.
The older I get, the more mindful I grow when I can't recall many childhood memories and there appears to be a large gap that makes me wonder about myself. It was not until I went to university and started working on social projects that I began discovering a little more about those gaps. Participating in a social activity, I was acknowledged for abuse for the first time. It was also the first time I was able to name the experience that happened to me in middle school. I was sexually abused by my teacher. That 12-year-old child had fallen into confusion, mixed emotions of anger and fear. Afraid of the prejudices of society, afraid of the judging glances of others, I decided to remain silent about the situation. I used to choose to ignore all of my emotions and go about my daily life "as normal". I did not tell anyone as I believed they would not be able to do anything else, and I did not want my family to be upset.
The damage was not yet to be healed and the bigger shock came as I was abused again. Suffered in agony. That was the person I used to trust, the first one I told that story in middle school, the person I used to treat as my foster father - my former head of the department.
Repressed pain, shattered trust, I wanted to take care of my injured inner-child. Back then, I didn't know what to believe, who to believe anymore. I no longer had the strength to walk, and there were times when I wanted to stop. I put on masks and filled my emotional box with hurt, disappointment, and scepticism - things that dragged me deeper into depression.
When my friend introduced me to Hagar Vietnam, I bravely called the organization's hotline. The call is a push for myself, I want to step over the shadow of the past, I want a companion.
The journey with Hagar was the time when I chose to stop and give myself a year of "rest", to learn how to take care of myself.
Through counselling sessions with Hagar counsellors, I learned to speak out loud about my inner thoughts, learned to express my anger and allowed myself to be listened to, rested if it was difficult, or learned about coping strategies to reduce stress. During difficult emotional times or health problems, I am listened to and encouraged. Sessions on "comfort zone" provided me with an overview of how to behave in difficult situations. I also set safe boundaries for myself by saying "no" to things that make me feel unsafe emotionally or physically. In addition, I worked with my Case Management Officer to prepare notes for moving to a new location.
I am also thankful for all of my efforts that accompany me on this journey. Personal training activities such as jogging, breathing exercises, reading books, practicing handwriting, drawing, listening to music, watching films, journaling, and reconnecting with nature have assisted me find my sense of peace. Most of all, I'm working hard right now practicing being honest with myself. With what I've strived for, I'm proving to myself that I can "live a better life," that I can walk through the shadows of my past. I want to spread a message to those who have experienced trauma that "we can live well and deserve to be loved".
In regard to my future plans, I want to study Clinical Social Work so that I can help those who need a faithful listener in the same way that I used to. I am currently improving my English skills and intend to apply for a scholarship to study abroad. Hopefully, one day not far away, I will be a social activist in the field of mental health care, contributing to open arms to support one another and move forward together.
